the absurd observers

Monday, June 06, 2005

The French crap out

This excerpt came from the Wall Street Journal Online evening edition from last friday. Normally, I would make a joke before the block quotation, and then a series of jokes after the quotation. This time, however, the news is so entertaining, that I will resist the urge to add anything to this gem:
Low on fuel and struggling in bad weather, nine French fighter jets and a radar
plane couldn't return to their aircraft carrier during maneuvers with the
Canadian military and landed at the Atlantic City International Airport in New
Jersey instead. The Federal Aviation Administration helped the jets land, and
French marines and translators were sent to the airport to help the pilots,
Philadelphia TV station WPVI reported. The U.S. State Department also got
involved when one of the French pilots had his credit card rejected when he
tried to buy fuel, the TV station reported. The FAA couldn't confirm the failed
credit-card transaction.

Ok. I couldn't resist. Here are some questions raised by this news item.
  1. Why were French planes conducting maneuvers with the Canadian military?
  2. Why was a French radar plane part of the program?
  3. Why were the planes so far over the United States that they had to land at the AC airport?
  4. Why is the AC airport "international"?
  5. If the AC airport had not been international, would the planes had to land at Newark International?
  6. I understand why French translators were sent to AC, but why were French marines sent to AC to help?
  7. Is it possible that this whole thing was no accident? Is it possible that a bunch of French pilots, marines, translators, and radar nerds all wanted to go to AC? Could Donald Trump be that magnetic?
  8. Or, were the french conducting a massive spy operation on our nation's old people, trying to figure out whether or not this social security crisis really is a crisis?
  9. Were the French spying on the Jersey shore? And if so, did their operation have anything to do with Bon Jovi? And if so, what pray tell?
  10. Dramatic pause
  11. Why - in the name of shell necklaces and seaside heights - is one of the French pilots using his credit card to buy gas? Couldn't we just take his word for it, that he works for the French government? That he's not just with a bunch of French Canadian guys that used Maple Syrup money to buy jet fighters, all in the hope of getting some free jet fighter fuel from some unwitting airport guys in AC? That his government will cover the cost because they'd rather not leave a jet fighter sitting at the AC international airport? Couldn't we make that leap of faith?
  12. How much does a French fighter worth of airplane fuel cost? Could anyone's credit card handle that?
  13. Was it pay at the pump, like most gas stations in the country, or, because this is Jersey, was it full service, by law?
  14. Why didn't the other Frenchmen lend the lone fuelless Frenchman their credit card?
  15. Was this all just to film a scene for a Jean Claude Van Damme film?
  16. Was this all just to film a scene for a Depardieu film?
  17. Why didn't they just take one of the free gambler busses back up north?
  18. After the cancelled credit card, and before the State Department saved the day - where the loan sharks? AC, say it ain't so? The AC loan sharks couldn't step in, give them 20 points on the loan, just to keep up Jersey's good name in the loan sharking business?

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