the absurd observers

Thursday, March 24, 2005

The sweet smell of stem cells


Doctors in Australia, with the help of funding from the Catholic Church, have developed stem cells taken from human noses. This is quite the discovery since it could eliminate the ethical dilemma facing the religiously inclined. However, it does raise a number of issues and new problems:
  1. Obviously noses will become commodities. Noses will regularly be traded, analyzed, and regulated by the government. People will sell noses on the black market. Nose dealers might withhold some of the nose supply, like some sort of nose OPEC, in order to raise the nose value. Nose futures will be traded on commodity exchanges. People will begin to covet the nose, which brings me to...
  2. What about people with runny noses, nose rings, broken noses, and fake noses? The upper-crust of society will quickly leave them behind. Why? It's simple. If person A has a job and a nose that could be harvested for stem cells, and person B has a job, but a nose without stem cell potential, who would take person B with the barren nose? The infertile nose will doom a section of society to mediocrity, at best.
  3. What happens to all the noses that were stolen from babies by their grandparents? Surely, that trove of noses should be appropriated by the government so that scientists could have better access to noses. Also, maybe the government should think about hiring grandparents to collect noses, afterall, empirical evidence suggests they can gather the noses painlessly and without any tools or surgery.


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