the absurd observers

Monday, March 14, 2005

Liberals desire outlets for invented stories


Apparently, some liberal bloggers have held a few conference calls with major news outlets in an effort to bridge the gap between their internet conspiracy theories and real news. The NYT reported:

Mr. Fertik maintains that the blurring of boundaries has benefited left-wing
bloggers less than their adversaries on the right, saying that reports posted on
conservative blogs more easily make the jump to the main news media. "The way we
perceive it," he said, "is that right-wing bloggers are able to invent stories,
get them out on Drudge, get them on Rush Limbaugh, get them on Fox, and pretty
soon that spills over into the mainstream media. We, the progressives, we don't
have that kind of network to work with."

So it appears that the problem is really just a lack of outlets for the left's invented stories. Surely there are some pundits waiting in the wings, ready to spread rumors and gossip, aspiring to be the next Limbaugh, Drudge, or Fox. I think that problem isn't just a lack of outlets, or a lack of a network. The problem is more fundamental. The invented stories are just not interesting enough. Here are some suggestions of stories for these ambitious bloggers to invent:
  1. Cheney is actually a robot, created by the Ron of Ronco, the inventor that made hair that people could spray out of a can. This story would be particularly interesting because Cheney has no hair.
  2. W. misses a cabinet meeting because he is busy thumb wrestling with secret service agents. More reports suggest that thumb wrestling is where Bush gets his military strategy ideas. Accounts surface that Bush repeatedly urged Powell to "go for the sneak attack because no one sees the index finger coming."
  3. O'Reilly is seen drinking a smoothie with wheat grass extract. He is wearing a hemp necklace and a Grateful Dead Tshirt at the time. The conservative establishment disowns him.

Now those are some good made up stories - things that America could really sink its teeth into. Now, as for the "network" for disseminating this "news", I know there's not too many left-leaning limbaughs and drudges out there, but I heard that "Kermit the Frog" may be available.


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