the absurd observers

Monday, February 28, 2005

Gonzales is against blocking? Me too.

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A.G. Gonzales, has outlined some objectives. They are the usual sort of thing an AG would try to squash, except for one, described by CNN as:

Ending Senate blocking of judicial nominees, a "broken process that must be
fixed" before there is a vacancy on the Supreme Court.


I too, am for ending blocking, but not because I think the system is broken, but because I am bored.

So, here are my suggestions for other ways to go through the nomination process:
  1. Rubix cube contest. (Disclosure: I've suggested this in the past.) Let's face it, if you can figure out a rubix cube, you're smart. If you can't, well you're just like everyone else, and you shouldn't be a judge.
  2. Arm-wrestling. Except if you won the arm-wrestling, you'd be disqualified. We need more weaklings on the bench. Plus, it's easy to figure out who won and who lost.
  3. Questions. A beloved part of an old drinking game, where everyone has to keep asking questions without accidentally giving an answer. "Hey Dan, how smelly are your feet?" "Hey Seth, when are you going to grow facial hair?" (and so on). This type of competition would cultivate the "let me answer your question with another question" mentality that American's love in their judiciary.
  4. Fantasy Spelling. In this contest, each nominee would pick a few Senators. Then there would be a Senate Spelling Bee. The nominee that picked the winner of the Spelling Bee would get confirmed. This could spawn a whole cottage industry of Fantasy Spelling strategists and websites. If no one wanted to spell, then there could be a pie-eating contest, or maybe an intense game of Simon Says or Red Light Green Light.
  5. Staring Contest. (I've suggested this before, as well.) I'm talking about a real staring contest, without blinking. Winning one of those babies is impressive, and it would intimidate any naysayers from saying nay.

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